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Communication Skills- Part 2 Listening Skills
Apologies: Owing to problems with our mail server some of you did not receive this issue in July so we are now resending it. Our apologies if this is the second time you have received this issue.
In the first part of this three part series we examined the core components of communication. In our technology industry we tend to forget that ultimately we are in the communications business, the rules of which have been established over centuries and not just in the last decade.
As our industry evolves from being technology lead to business lead then mastery of communication will be essential to survive in both the verbal and written form. This issue will deal with how we can improve our listening skills.
 Do we listen ?
There has been some considerable research conducted into all aspects of human behaviour , many of which are related to our relatively limited knowledge of the brain.
The authors Alan and Barbara Pease have researched both the psychological and physiological differences of male and female brains in their book” Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps”
Here is an example from the book that all of us I am sure can relate to…..
The most common problem faced by a man when interacting with a woman is to listen. Men marvel at a woman’s ability to talk and talk and talk. They cannot figure out how a woman can jump from topic to topic without losing the rhythm or the intensity of the conversation. A woman can’t understand how a man cannot keep up with what she says.
Woman : I was going to the market and was driving when this car kept on honking and finally I had to stop and
Man: what car was it?
Woman: actually, I went to buy myself that dress...remember I had told you about the green lehenga I wanted to buy for Seema’s wedding
Man: how much was the dress?
Woman: and I went into the shop and met Meena there and we got talking about the dinner last week..did you know that her husband spent...
By this time, the man is usually lost. He wants to focus on one problem and one topic. He just cannot understand how she has reached Meena’s husband when she was talking to him about the car!!
Listening in business
The book has many other humorous but painfully truthful examples of how for many Men the ability to listen is virtually zero!! Given the fact that our industry is largely dominated by Men is our industry doomed? Will the wake up call come too late? So what can us poor Men do if we are unable to listen effectively in a business climate that is harsh and demanding on vendors.
Some practical tips
In the SSP training courses on active listening we focus on clearing the brain of “clutter” and in providing skills which develop “attention expansion”
For instance we create pairs and ask each person to read a series of sentences and get the other person to read back precisely and exactly what was said. A typical sentence might be.
“ A University Education is not universally available to all persons, be they prophets or pygmies, in underdeveloped banana republics”
If a person makes any single error they have to repeat the whole sentence until correct.
This drill forces the listener to hear rather than interpret. To focus on content rather than delivery. In essence you are forced to listen to what was said rather than what you interpreted.
The brain can process information 1000’s of times faster than listening to the spoken word. This “latency” causes our minds to wander and ultimately to be selective in both our hearing and understanding. Unless, you are wired to multi-task in listening (as many women are) eliminating potential distractions is essential. So how do you do this?
As demonstrated in the exercise where you have to repeat a particular sentence, it becomes harder the longer and more complex the sentence becomes. Most speakers will convey multiple ideas, so some good tips are:
Ask questions on clarification and replay, such as. “Am I correct in understanding that you meant?” or replay the message.
Write notes. Even better try writing exact quotes. Ask for clarification questions so that it is very clear that you are not making assumptions as to what was said. If a three letter acronym was said that you do not know,ask for its meaning. Do not let pride stand in the way of listening and understanding.
Use body language to reinforce that you are listening and understanding. Eye contact can be very powerful here. The speaker will believe that he has a person’s attention if that person is looking at him.
Some other skills
One of the fascinating aspects of the business of SSP is that we have helped Software companies expand all over the world. In so doing we have been exposed to nearly every culture there is. While the English language is universally accepted as the “lingua franca” in business, listening skills between native English speakers and those where English is a foreign language creates significantly distinct challenges Some of the key skills to learn are:
- Use clear lucid and simple language
- Allow time for the listener to translate into their own language
- Ask more questions on understanding but be sensitive to those cultures where to admit “ignorance” or a failure to have listened would be to lose face.
- Speak slower but not louder, otherwise you will come across as patronising.
- Assume nothing. Ask the obvious.
SSP is continuing to help companies grapple with the challenges that confront software companies in today’s markets and further details on our training courses and other services can be found at www.sspltd.com
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